Right now, for some reason it's on my heart to write this, to just get it out. It's been 10 years now since I made a very unwise decision to give up on my marriage. (Thanking God again for being in control, because we do not make wise decisions on our own) So many things and reasons floated around in my head as to why this "worldy" decision was actually what was best for me at the time. I won't dish details. If you know us personally, you know the story. If you don't, you know the rumors, I'm sure. I came back, obviously.
I want to take a step back and just say that our marriage has definitely endured its huge amount of turmoil. We've hurt one another, even on purpose. We've given up, fought, cried, blamed, CHANGED, said horrible things, And just simply tried to completely shut God out. We've not gotten it completely figured out still. I know there's a long way to go, only 14 years in. I love this man. He has dealt, and put up with me and my own problems, and ultimately comes out loving me more than I ever imagined he would. God can give him the words to say that ease my heart. My children are blessed by this man, and I cannot begin to say blessed because that doesn't cover it. He isn't perfect, but most of the time I feel like he was perfectly made to fit me. I've watched him and his heart for so many different things and people, and I am amazed. He takes an extra step, walks an extra mile for the people he cares about. Even if it wouldn't be reciprocated.
Tonight my hope is that someone who was supposed to read this is reading it. You are sitting there miserable, or thinking of giving up, and thinking that they are never going to be the one for you or whatever it may be I don't know. What I do know is tonight, I don't have a name, or a specific reason, but I'm supposed to write this maybe because I've learned to love my husband and continue to do so. I've learned to thank God for him and praise my husband for whatever he is doing instead of focusing on what he isn't, and to honestly just be happy that in our family we do REAL. We fall, and we get back up and keep loving and it keeps getting better. We cherish each other, and with today's ways, social media, people not caring enough about people but caring just about what it "looks like" TO other people, sometimes THIS is a rare find. Don't give up. I was told it was ok to give up, and I want to be the one who is telling you NOT to. Let joy in, let GOD in and push through, because it may take a while, but I believe that he will make it worth it.
Again, this isn't for a status I saw, or anything I've heard or read... I climbed into bed preparing to crush candy and call it a night. I was then overwhelmed with the urge to write all of that. Just a reflection...? Possibly, but I believe that there was a reason, so I did. Goodnight y'all :)
