Relief today... That word can mean so much. When a friend's husband has been injured, along with others, when you know you're on a blackout for the third time in a month, when you've missed the last call he tried to make and can only feel sick until you hear them.
Ari spent the night again last night. One big family, and we've been out of town celebrating Kyle's birthday for most of the last week. He's my little firecracker :) my Fourth of July baby, and couldn't be any other child but ours! Aside from his dislike for seafood, the qualities that exude from that little boy make me think of Mark all the time. He is so much like his daddy it makes me so proud. Since he is older, I keep him "informed" to keep him from being scared. I don't want him to think his daddy is always in battle like they show on movies.
It's hard to focus. I'm sitting here writing, and keep feeling stumped, tripping over my emotions. You can't be more proud, scared, helpless, humbled, weak, and incredibly strong all at the same time, and I know Kyle is going through most of those same emotions as he matures with this deployment. Mark said to me the other day, after our second blackout, that I need to use these opportunities to help teach him how to pray. That statement meant so much. I want my baby to pray, but realistically, when I'm praying, I am praying that it isn't my husband. That it is NOT my children's daddy. I'm praying that Gods plan includes him going over there to make our marriage and family communication stronger, and simply that. Any other God fearing woman is praying the same thing, and probably feeling guilty that its almost like she's wishing it on another family, but we aren't. We don't want anyone to get hurt, but war is real. These crazy people over there are real, and they believe they are doing something extraordinary by performing these horrible atrocities. It's sickening, but praying is the only action that I can take against it. I support my soldier, I love him, but I still hate this war. That is all.
We've tried to have a great week even though daddy is gone. July is our month! We got married and had both of our babies this month. So we celebrated for my anniversary, and Kyle's birthday the rest of the week. We went to chili's & sky zone on the 3rd, and went blueberry picking, visited moms where he rode all around on the 4wheeler, rested up and did cake with granny & pawpaw, then off to Stacy's for some fun with friends and fireworks. Friday we drove back home and unloaded, hung out with our neighbors and watched the weather waiting for it to clear up so we could go to the fireworks show on post. It did, and we went. Saturday started out a little crummy, just one of those days where I'm just feeling down, but after a phone call with my love and My extended deployment family time, we ended up having a good day. Cracker Barrel, shopping, milkshakes, and rock of ages.
Here it goes, all the stuff that I try to remember when he is gone to keep me from feeling blue...
I can watch awesome things like rock of ages without him glaring at me wondering why in the world I would want to watch this ridiculous movie. Instead I watched it with Ari, and we sang every time they did! I don't have to shave nearly as often. Winter deployments are best, because then its cold, so bathing suits and shorts aren't in the picture. Having sleepovers with your friends is fun, and she doesn't snore or stink OR flail wildly in her sleep leaving me with overnight battle wounds. I don't have an incredible meal ready for the table at dinner time, because kids are easily impressed, so all that fuss over what to prepare is gone while he's away. My bathroom is my very own, and I'll admit that I've even stuck some of his junk in a different closet so I have more room. My next task may be to sneak home some new bedroom furniture, and see if he notices when he gets home ;)
Just kidding love... I'll try and consult you first!
I hope to spend tomorrow getting everything prepped for Lexie's birthday in just 9 more days now. We're a little behind since she's so indecisive. Now she just wants to have a party and go to the park?? Weird kid, but yay for easy planning! We're headed back to MS for our best friends bash for their kiddos soon.
Goodnight everyone :)
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